Well yes, it’s that time of year again when shoppers descend on the malls, fight for parking and get nasty at the checkout counter. It’s the kickoff of 30 days of absolute madness for the gift giving season. This is capitalism at it’s best. So here’s a few ideas on how to have a little fun during the crazy shopping season:

1. Parking Lot Wars
   For those really nasty people in the parking lot, leave them a little something to remember how they cut you off and flipped you off and then stole that one parking spot left before you could drive in. Put a FAKE PARKING TICKET on their car. Or give that person who’s parked too closely a “scratch” on their car with this FAKE AUTO SCRATCH.
2. Mall Crawl
   Once you’re in the mall, I have a guaranteed way to help you clear out a popular section of the store, so that you waltz in and get exactly what you need…STINK BOMBS! And, for anyone who’s a real jerk to you (ie: cuts in the very long checkout line, etc), spray a little LIQUID ASS on their purse or jacket and see if they get out of line to go the bathroom.
3. Dealing with Screaming Children
   I never understood why anyone would bring kids with them during holiday shopping, but whatever. To each their own, right? Well, most kids are screaming because they have a case of the “I-wants” (which is why I wouldn’t take mine with me), they are hungry, they are bored or they are just plain tired (who isn’t tired of power shopping?). So, offer to keep them occupied with the CHINESE FINGER TRAPS. This will keep any kid occupied for a good 15-20 minutes, so that you can get to through the checkout line.
4. Mean people suck
   There is nothing better than humiliation for the person who’s just being a jackass to the poor $8/hour cashier at Mervyn’s. On the top of my list is the PORTABLE FART NOISE DR. FART KEYCHAIN. It’s sure to slice through the tension when the lady at the front of the checkout line is asking for price checks on all 25 items she’s purchased.
5. Rude Cashiers
   Let’s face it, sometimes the cashier’s can’t stand it anymore and they just crack. I figure, all they need is a little laugh to help them through their day. Perhaps signing your purchase with your own pen in Disappearing Ink will make him/her chuckle? Or, how about the EXPLODING WALLET as a way to make everyone in line crack a smile.

Needless to say, the important part is that you have FUN while doing your holiday shopping chores. Go into the malls knowing parking will be tough and that way you won’t get made when there’s no parking available. Expect the crying kids and cranky parents.

…and most of all, stink it up!!!