Ashton Kutcher has “Punk’d,” and while that provided some entertainment, it’s gotten a bit old. Instead, here’s a list of five celebrities we’d like to prank – from the Jonas brothers meeting their predecessors in the ring to A-Roid getting a dose of “reality,” let the pranks begin

1. The Jonas Brothers
What I’d do: Prank call from an MTV network executive pitching the latest band of brothers in a real-life Celebrity Deathmatch face-off with Hanson, the 1990s version of the Jonas Brothers. Isaac, Taylor and Zac Hanson have signed on for this WWE-inspired Brotherly Love match-up. Kevin, Joe and Nick Jonas would compete against the elder brothers in a series of moves: best guitar solo, highest high note and most metrosexual outfit.

2. Miley Cyrus
What I’d do: Send a server to her residence to deliver a document notifying the teen starlet that her request to legally change her name to Hannah Montana has been received and accepted pending her appearance at the courthouse with a 1,000-word essay on why this name change will not confuse the masses more than they already are about the differences between her and her Disney Channel character.

3. Britney Spears
What I’d do: Hire a Kevin Federline impersonator who calls Brit Brit begging for her to take him back. His reasoning would include that his last album flopped, he can’t get laid and is running out of money. Basically explaining why he married her in the first place. And if that doesn’t work, use the kids as barter.

4. Paris Hilton
Show up at the hotel heiress’ door as the president of the Razzie Awards with her three Golden Raspberry Awards that she collected for worst actress in “The Hottie and the Nottie,” worst supporting actress for “Repo! The Genetic Opera” and the prize for worst screen couple for “Hottie.” Have a photographer present as well and ask the “actress” to pose for the camera with her awards and say a few words of acceptance.

5. Alex Rodriguez
What I’d do: Send a letter, certified mail of course, from Major League Baseball.
Dear Mr. Rodriguez,

After careful and much consideration, Major League Baseball executives have decided to publicly announce our intention to refrain from investigating into your alleged steroid use, circa 2003, and announce a new policy: Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.

Effective April 1, 2009, MLB will no longer be testing its players – for anything, including the use of performance-enhancing drugs such as steroids.

It is the new belief of the league that players should continue to improve their overall performance by any means necessary, including anabolic steroids.

With that said, the league would like to contact your cousin about being commissioned, off the record, by the MLB as a provider of substances including testosterone and Primobolan. Also, do you still have Jose Canseco’s contact information? He isn’t returning our calls.

Truthfully,

Bud Selig
Commissioner,
Major League Baseball

Just like our parents taught us, there’s a time and a place for everything. And farting is no different. While guys can be forward and direct and just let ‘em rip and talk about them (instead of feelings) for hours, for women, farting is an entirely different beast. So pay attention here, ladies, Farty Frieda is here to provide you with an invaluable lesson on letting the ass gas go.

As we all continue to learn and grow from others, it truly is my pleasure to share the secrets I’ve picked up from my variety of lovely lady friends when it comes to finding the right time, place and method to letting your trouser coughs go in front of loved ones new and old.  For me, my best first air biscuit in front of a loved one came when I was in the hospital – farting is the first sign that your body is working again after going under for surgery. It was a new relationship and for sure the best ice breaker. But we’re not all so (un)lucky to have a funny story like that.

Take my younger sister (please!) – she’s your average college kid, always has a date on Friday and Saturday nights, straight A student. But she can’t fart in front of anyone: mom, dad, boyfriends, cousins and she even blames the dog when she lets off an ass rocket. But she has owned a few choice bombs in her history after having her third glass of Pinot. For her, being connected to a fart is truly a feat worse than wearing white after Labor Day. But it sure is funny when her blush isn’t just from the vino. I keep telling her that the best way to release the butt hounds is to do it silently and have fun with it: hug a family member, let it slide then blame them! But no, she insists on excusing herself, walking to the restroom and releasing there. Or at a family barbecue, walking to the other side of the house. She might as well just carry a can of room spray she’s so polite.

For other hens in the house, subtlety is completely lost and they’d just rather take the fall for the rump shaker. Like my mom. Mom loves tushie trivia: Like finding the source of the gas leak in the house, she enjoys figuring out just what she ate that’s responsible for the assignation. Was it the tacos? The milk? The coffee? It’s like fart-accompanied multiple-choice exams. But fun. Her rumblers are less entertainment and more trivia, and it’s a great way to take the focus off the stench when the answer truly is dairy related.

Then there’s me, Farty Frieda. It used to be just Frieda. But like all good things, I like to take personal ownership of the tasks I’ve mastered, and farting is most certainly one of them. I name them: Dairy Doozies, Flame Throwers, Green Fogs, Lingerer, Loud But Proud, Machine Gunners and Singing Elephants. My theory is that the best way to let ’em fly is to just own it. Be proud!

So whether you’re hush-hush about the puffers, inquisitive about the source of the leak or you wear your stink bombs like a badge of pride, farting for women is truly a reflection of our personalities.

Keep it stinky,
Farty Frieda

March 23, 2009 — StinksNThings.com, the Web’s most odoriferous destination for gag gifts, pranks, office humor and practical jokes is giving away free lotto tickets! April Fools! See what we did there? We made you our first April Fool’s Day victim!

Rather than verbal humor and “NOT!” jokes, Stinks is going to crack you up this April Fool’s Day with a slew of new inventory bound to bust your funny bone. Ranging from Dog Poop Calendars to talking horns and wastebaskets to The Big Stinker Prank Kit, Stinks will help you solidify your reputation as King or Queen Prankster this season.

“Laughter is health food for the soul,” Stinks owner Susan McKenna said. “That’s why April Fool’s Day is one of my favorite holidays. We have lots of gag gifts that will help you achieve your April Fool’s Day prank - at home at the office. Visit Stinky Steven’s blog for ideas and tall tales about pranks we’ve played on friends, colleagues and family.”

Just think of the look on your dog-loving cubicle mate’s face when you replace their homage to Lassi with Stinks’ 2009 Dog Poop Calendar (Normally $10.99, now $5.50). Often described as the “perfect gag gift,” this 12-month calendar features beautiful nature landscapes for all seasons, and instead of Butch taking center stage, it’s Butch’s droppings that appear each month! It’s so subtle that it’s brilliant!

Another subtle prank is Stinks’ Fart in a Jar ($6.99) that while labeled Fart in a Jar will be sure to inspire curiosity. The three-inch plastic jar, when opened, contains a concentrated formula that produces a smell so raunchy that it wreaks dirty ass.

Have a redneck in your family who always has some clever Jeff Foxworthy-inspired one-liner that drives you nuts? Here’s your chance for redemption: Stinks’ Redneck Nag Horn ($8.99) will, with the push of a button, blurt out one of 10 phrases: “What’s wrong, Moron? Can’t you stop and ask directions?” “Stop the damn car, WalMart is having a sale!” “Pick a lane instead of your nose!” and “This ain’t Daytona, and you ain’t no Dale Earnhardt!” Oh the humanity! Earn extra points for using this bad boy at a NASCAR event!

And as if a screaming redneck isn’t enough, Stinks’ Swearing Basketball Hoop ($17.99) will satisfy your craving for profanity this April Fool’s Day. Did your friend or colleague drive you nuts with March Madness? We at Stinks know he did. So why not surprise him with his very own wastepaper basketball hoop! He’ll love it … that is, until he realizes it screams profanity at him like a pissed off driver on the 405 at rush hour.

If your prank style is more along the lines of Keep it Simple, Stupid, then check out Stinks’ Poo Pen ($2.49), your classic “Number 2″ pen. Great for pranking the boss and just leaving it in his pen holder. Or change it up and shock mom — and get an instant prank replay come Mother’s Day — with Stinks’ Shocking Lipstick ($5.99). The realistic-looking lipstick provides a startling, but harmless shock after a twist that your victim need not worry about applying blush.

Other classic pranks include the fan favorite Stink Bombs ($8.99) and the really raunchy Liquid Ass ($5.99). There’s also lots of other stinky stuff, true to the name, to carry out any stinky prank you’d like on April fool’s day 09.

And finally, for the Master Pranker, comes Stinks’ Big Stinker Prank Kit ($26.95). Specially priced to target your favorite April Fool’s Day mark, this massive kit contains a case of Stink Bombs, five Fart Bags, Fart Powder, Fart Spray, Fart chewing Gum and Cigarette Stink Loads and Stinky Sweat Spray. This kit is so bad it’s good.

StinksNThings exists to help your inner prankster in every occasion that calls for good humor from simple to elaborate prank items. For those looking for unique gifts for specific holidays, Stinks has you covered with its wide selection of wacky and outrageous items, each custom made to help you stage a successful practical joke. So don’t be the target, be the instigator with StinksNThings!

ABOUT STINKSNTHINGS.COM
StinksnThings.com is the premiere online destination for discount gag gifts, car pranks, funny office gifts, office humor headquarters and more. Serving online customers since 2001, StinksnThings caters to people looking for a one-stop-shop for pranks, or are in search of that funny gifr or unique gift for that someone special. StinksnThings.com is a wholly owned subsidiary of PrankWarehouse, LLC. Other websites on the PrankWarehouse network include www.BuzzHumor.com and www.Prankmailr.com. For more information, please visit www.stinksnthings.com.

Hey there pranksters! I’ve gotten a ton of requests for a prank-a-day, so I’m going to be starting that in April.  But in the meantime, here’s my thoughts on getting ready for our big day this year…

April Fool’s Day is like Christmas for pranksters. While some go all-out with festive holiday decorations and plan their decor well in advance, pranksters share that same enthusiasm for stink bombs, fake poo and all things stinky. While Christmas and April Fool’s Day have little in common, there is one thing that they do share: Planning is vital to a successful day.

Most of the great April Fool’s Day pranks require advance planning. Sometimes pranksters have to test their patience – long enough to wait the typical shipping time for StinksNThings.com’s products to arrive at your door – to pull off a successful “Gotcha!”

Some of the best April Fool’s pranks are really all about the basics. Every year as Prank Day rolls around, I tend to take a look back and reflect on some of my best work.

In my early days as a rookie prankster in the ’90s — when everyone had pagers instead of cell phones, I remember stumbling upon a toll-free 800 number for “large voluptuous women.” It was porn for the chubby set. And it was the funniest, free humor that I’d ever heard. So what’s a prankster to do? Page everyone with the number. Twenty-five friends, all getting an earful; it was great. And the best part was watching a classmate figure it out and the look on her face.

Some of the best pranks can be just about outsmarting the average guy. Like bringing in Oreo cookies to the office and instead of all the yummy cream filling, replace it with toothpaste and watch the comedy unfold on countless victims oblivious to 4/1/09. Or just switch the signs to the men’s and women’s restrooms at your office and watch and wait nearby. Or better yet, hide numerous alarm clocks all over your target’s room – set for all hours of the night, no less, and really have your way with them.

Other great pranks in history have gone big: Like the time in 1992 when National Public Radio’s “Talk of the Nation” program announced to listeners that Richard Nixon, in a surprise move, was running for president again with the campaign slogan of “I didn’t do anything wrong, and I won’t do it again.” NPR brought on a Nixon impersonator who did such a great job that the station was flooded with calls from shocked and outraged listeners.

If you don’t have grand plans for the Big Day, don’t fret. The basics are always a great way to celebrate April Fool’s, and StinksnThings has got you covered there. Start the day off with a stink: Stinks’ Party Pooper ($2.49) is a great way to shock the morning pooper in your household. Plop this fake poo on top of the toilet seat, or, kick it up a notch with Instant Poop in a Can ($4.49) for a custom defecation and stink up the joint with Liquid Ass ($5.99) and create a stench that makes the faux doodie even smell realistic.

Once you’re on your merry way, go play with strangers with Stinks’ Bill Snatcher ($1.49). Talk about a cheap and easy April Fool’s prank! Put your money to work and watch as greedy strangers lunge for bucks and get caught in the act when the retractable funds retreat into your grubby little paws.

Next, treat your buddies to lunch – and to the honor of driving your luxury ride. Toss them the keys to your shiny BMW, and watch them jump from the shock of setting off your faux car alarm remote with Stinks’ Shocking Car Door Opener ($7.99). The trick is twice and nice: not only will they literally be shocked, but there’s no way in hell you’re letting their spotty driving record get behind your wheel.

So really, whether your plans are simple or sadistic, the sooner you start planning, the more likely you are to have a raucous April Fool’s.

It all starts with Selection Sunday – March 15, 2009. Then, two days later, March Madness kicks off with its opening-round game. Bored yet? But for what seems like the better part of the population, college basketball’s annual championship tournament takes over idle office chatter at the water cooler and sucks all the fun out of weekend TV viewing. Unless, of course, you’re a fan, then all bets are off.

Whether you’re a hoops fan or just have the misfortune of sharing space with ’em this March, get ready to inject some humor into the seriousness of the NCAA’s tournament, courtesy of StinksNThings.com — the place for discount gag gifts, office humor pranks and practical jokes.

Get your game on – and save a few bucks on beverages when you overpay for your ticket into the games – with Stinks’ Booze Belly Flask ($12.99). Consisting of a pouch that allows fans to comfortably – and secretly and securely – bring booze into games undetected. Designed with an elastic waistband that fits all adults, the pouch holds 750ml (about 25 ounces) and comes with a straw valve to stop the flow and avoid embarrassing spills. Imagine never having to leave your seat when the clock winds down during a close game and keep your cash for the next round – or to compete in another bracket pool!

For fans enjoying the countless games in front of the tube at home, consider Stinks’ Cowboy Boot Mug ($3.99) for the hoopster who has everything but wants to root Texas in a very stylish fashion. Big enough to hold a 12-ounce brew, this novelty mug has great curves. Made of plastic, there’s no danger of this mug getting the boot when the game takes a surprising last-second turn.

For those who want to shoot hoops in any way they can, Stinks’ Cheering Basketball Hoop ($12.99) is easily affixed to the top of any wastebasket. Sinking that three-pointer never felt so good as you’ll hear the roar of the crowd thanks to the included vibration string.

And there’s no better way to tell roommates, girlfriends and spouses that you’re entrenched in the game – and maybe a little inebriated – than with Stinks’ Beer Mug Hat ($6.99). Coming in at a whopping 18 inches the soft plus head topper really will be the foam on top of a great game.

So be it a Booze Belly Flask for bringing the hard stuff in to watch your team take on the competition of the NCAA Championship or a chicks-will-dig-it Beer Mug Hat , Stinks has everything you need to enjoy the tournament. And just think, even if your top-ranked team is the shocker of the tourney and gets knocked out by some no-name school, you can still hear the roar of the crowd with Stinks’ Cheering Basketball Hoop and drown your sorrows with the Cowboy Boot Mug. All bets are off when it comes to March Madness, but one thing is certain: Stinks won’t be the team that breaks your heart.